Wow, I passed 10,000 pageviews!!! I tried to get a screenshot, but one moment it was 9981, and the next it was 10,038! I know, i know, its just a number.. but still, 10k is a pretty funky number..

The thing is, I think I am in a rut with my photography... ... I have the motivation, the inspiration, god, if i could just get screenshots of what I see I would be set. But I cant, and the other option is photography. But my camera is shite, there are only so many times I can take a shot before I realise its not going to turn out the way I visualise it. It is frustrating to be let down by technology. And to know there is a solution just out of your reach that you cant afford to grasp. I just have a 7 megapixel point-and-shoot - good for what it is, but not what i need. I cant afford the digital SLR I am lusting after (Its about 3rd on my prioritised list of things to buy over $100 - and I cant justify bumping it up the list when I need things like a new mattress etc). So, realistically, I dont think I can do much more about the rut until I upgrade my camera. I am stuck in the same routine - I get up, go to work, work my bum off for 10 hours, stagger home and do it all again. When I have the time, i try and get out on the weekends, but seriously, how many times can I photograph the aquarium, muesums, or the chinese gardens..


My camera doesnt handle darkness very well - at all really. When you are zoomed out, or it is printed to 4x6 it looks fine, but if you have a better resolution than that, it becomes grainy. I guess the graininess of my camera isnt as apparent when there is more light in the image. An example is this. It looks okay when zoomed out, but if you full view, you can really notice the difference. I've got all these shots I itch to take, but I never get the results. I cant even take decent photos inside because of it unless there is a lamp I can use.


My camera doesnt handle any movement at all - not even a milimetre. It screws up the entire shot. I mostly leave it in 'sports' mode now, and it combats a bit of this, but not enough that I am content. I bought a little tripod, but it was a cheaper one, and I need a good surface to sit it on. I am thinking of getting one of those gorrilapod ones that are flexible, see if I can experiment using those. There is no point of me getting a large tripod - I normally use my camera out and about, and its shit at portraits (I take better portraits on my mate Anna's camera LOL I have the added problem that I have FM and ME so my muscles spasm sometimes, and I always have issues holding my camera steady... like little microspasm thingees... its not always noticible, but i notice it does make a big difference with my camera. So instead I try and brace my camera against walls, benches, posts, whatever.

The macro setting needs to be an exact distance from the subject and steady to get a decent shot, and even then I can see discrepencies. I cant change the focus, so a lot of the times, it automatically focuses on the background not the forground (which is what I want. An example of this is this afternoon. A 3 story wall I walk past every day is covered by vines. In summer, its just a sea of green. But now it is winter, its all deadwood again. However, I was taking a shot of a red vine with all the dead growth behind it.. It was a really interesting contrast, and I felt it was a great subject, but my camera wouldnt obligue. Damn, I need to get a "real" camera! I just dont have enough control. And Im wishing I hadnt given away the old family camera a few years ago... But it was film, and I just couldnt afford to get film printed.

^Sorry, this sounds whiney when I read back over it, but basically, I have been so frustrated with the lack of control I have. I cant stretch my wings any further when I cant change shutterspeed, lenses (macro, zoom etc), experiment with lighting etc. I know the directions I want to head with my photography, and I just cant do it with the tools I have access to. I just feel so frustrated and although I have my camera with me all the time (the upside of a point-and-shoot is it fits in my handbag) I dont take the copious amount of photos I used to. So anyway, this is why I havent been uploading many deviations lately. I dont have time to do any painting or digital art. I work long hours, and I get home and any spare time is spent veging. My house in sydney isnt condusive to painting. I dont have space to leave out my paint and canvases, so it takes time to set up. I normally have to sit on my bed or the couch, and it means Im paranoid about spillage. I try and get out of the house, but it always seems to be raining on the weekends.. when im home... I cant use my computer desk - my computer is massive (also currently covered in dust LOL) and takes up too much space..

I really am in a rut, arent I! LOL Im not thinking negatively at all. Its more the hopelessness, the lack of motivation. I still have this WANT to be creative, but not the outlet..


On to more exciting things I'm going to see Yves Klein Blue with Mel on saturday!!! So excited! I'm not obessed with the band, but I do like the songs I hear of theirs on triple j. Mel is massively excited, and I dont get to spend as much time with her. And i LOVE live music! I've decided to go trashy! LOL I tend to wear goth-influenced clothes when i go out, and while I love my clothes to bits, it means I end up wearing the same outfits all the time.. So i am gradually buying indvidual pieces to mix in. I bought a black mesh top last week. Very 80s looking. Then I got home and realised it didnt really go with what I have.. So it looks like I am wearing blue with my black! (I am normally only ever black and red, or black and black LOL) So i decided that Im gonna have fun with it.. Im making some lace up socks, buying some bold blue eyeshadow, and I may see about some electric blue nail polish - something I havent had for a few years... Still going semi-goth, but its more 80s influenced... normally im 1900's influenced - lace and stuff.. oh, and im really envious of ~VelvetMist - she went and bought some corsets!! I had planned to get some custom made at Gallery Serpentine this year, but I've been so strapped for cash I havent been able to justify it *sigh* wish me luck! Im gonna go in soon and see about a fitting.. and if they have payment plans or if I need to pop down a few hundred dollars at once... if i need to do a one off payment, i wont be able to get one made til later in the year... (I hate being broke!) but if I can sort out some sort of layby, or whatever, i can get one sooner. I really want to have a corset for the Australian Metal Awards in November.. wish me luck!!


Some random deviations!